I wish I only lived at night.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
