One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
