Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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