I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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