butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
