youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
