There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
