apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize