My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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