Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
