just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
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I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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