drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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