i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
