You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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