She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
