I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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