I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am spending my child support on dildos
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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