Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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