Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dick very happy bro
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
