apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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