Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
