I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This is my gift to your gina
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
