didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
