We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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