youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
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In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
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You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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