Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
