I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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