i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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