I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
