I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
