Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
