Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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