I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Randomize
