He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
