I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
