All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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