We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
