how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
