She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
