Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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