One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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