I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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