Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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