She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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