if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
