ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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