An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
