What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i will never coherently bang her
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
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Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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