I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
