Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
