Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Text me some of your sweat
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
