why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
