The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I have already put on my inside pants.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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