I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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