Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
