I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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