My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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