VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
