you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
