I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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