Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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