Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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